I have been dwelling on this question a lot lately. This anxious thought occupies my mind a lot. And I know why. It’s because someone I thought was a friend criticised me as a parent in a really nasty way. And it took me back to 2 years ago when someone else told me they don’t agree with my parenting style.
That confused me at the time, because I didn’t think I had a parenting style other than “appreciate every moment and love him endlessly”. I was confused why that was deemed wrong by that person.
Now someone else has had a go, a couple of weeks ago, at how I choose to live my life. Basically saying how sad it is that I no longer am my own person and that I live for jack. “Sigh, there is more to a woman than childbearing” and that I am blinkered. All of this was hurled at me after I made a jokey comment about motherhood on another friends Facebook post which had shared an article.
I have been dwelling on these horrible comments ever since. It’s so silly that I am, but this person not only criticised any woman for wanting to be a mother but me in particular.
I feel a lot of anxiety around this incident, even though I know I wasn’t in the wrong. I am constantly worried about whether I’m a good mother. It plays on my deepest insecurity.
My boy obviously had a heartbreakingly difficult start. For  long time I blamed myself. I was worried he’d never breathe on his own but he does. I was worried he’d never sit/stand/walk without assistance but he does. I was worried up until very recently that he’d never talk properly but he’s getting there fast now. (Speech Therapy starts next month to help with this – yay!)
So what do these people think I’m doing wrong? What do they see in Jack that is negative and caused by me? There is nothing wrong with my miracle boy. He is wonderful and caring and fun, if a little quirky.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling like it was my destiny to be a mummy, Jack’s mummy. I’m not ashamed that I feel like I was born to be a mum. But that doesn’t mean it’s the only thing in my life. Anyone who knows me knows I was also born to sing. Videos on my youtube if anyone is interested. And they know that I love running, and reading, and Harry Potter, and exploring the countryside and National Trust places. I am not only a mother. But being a mum is my favourite part of my life, and the biggest part. Anyone who looks down on that, judging and eyerolling, is not worth my time. But words still hurt. To criticise my parenting after knowing everything we went through is a dick move. Please let’s be kind to one another. Especially if it’s widely known that someone suffers from anxiety and ptsd.