We both have someone who comes before each other now; the sweetest little warrior, and our journey has not been easy for any of us.
I feel the need to say sorry to you though. You may have taken a backseat to our journey through prematurity, not intentionally. At first due to it being my body with the problem and it was discussed how best to treat me. Then to Jack as he fought for life and I battled to express milk and recover from emergency surgery.
I am not the same person you fell in love with 16 years ago. Hell, I’m not even the same person I was 2 years ago.
I never want you to feel like you are last on the priority list. Our boy takes up so much of my time and energy that it is so easy to just crash as soon as he’s in bed.
I’m sorry we don’t get much time as a couple. We are different from normal parents as we have experienced having to leave our newborn behind every night to be cared for by others, and therefore we have a different outlook on life and parenting. We don’t want to miss any more time with our brave boy than we have to. I have a lot on anxiety when I am away from him.
But I want you to know that I still love you as more as I always did, more even. Seeing you be a Daddy is breathtaking. I still fancy you, even though my body was broken and changed.
I want us to have a date night, maybe only every couple of months (we’re not made of money) so we can find who we are as a couple again. To be Laura and Andy again, not just Mummy and Daddy.
I am better than I was. I am starting to find the fun in the new me. And I want to share it with you. I want to show our son what a happy marriage looks like, full of love and laughter.