I have sat in the NICU and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured.
Like most things in life, the people who true my have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at my surviving miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can hold and comfort him and that I am not waking to a nurse taking another temperature, an alarm going off, another round of meds or because I am crying tears of unknown. I will be happy because my baby is alive and wants me.
I count myself lucky in that sense; that I have been given this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
As a parent of a preemie, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all I have endured. I am a better wife, aunt, daughter, neighbour, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment that I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hello many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.
So now, when others hurt me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it and join them in theirs.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.